A Paragon's Torment
by YoungTruthLP
Summary: A one-shot of my idea of what should have happened when Shepard came back from the Bahak System. FemShep and Liara fluff! Set in the same universe as 'Liara's Cookies' & 'Ocean Blue'.


As much as I would like to own them, all the characters and the main plot belong to BIOWARE - I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended. This is purely for entertainment purposes. All writing is my own.

Ok, had this idea come to me whilst viewing some ME fan art. My femShep and Liara. Set in the same universe as 'Ocean Blue' and 'Liara's Cookies'. I always did wonder what happened after the destruction of the Bahak system. Surely Shepard needed to talk to their love interest. Here's how I think it should have played out. Enjoy.

The amazing fan art that inspired this piece on DeviantArt: .com/art/Shepard-is-Angsty-206394407 (Damn doc manager! Just add _wingedmoggy 'dot' deviantart_ at the start. It's cutting off the start of the address again! 'dot' as in an actual dot :p)

(Check out wingedmoggy on DeviantArt. Her renegade femShep and Liara fan art is so funny!)

* * *

><p>Beth Shepard was never one for renegade choices. She always made sure that she did it the fairest and cleanest way possible. As she watched that system disappear from the galaxy map, she felt as if she had failed. Everything she had worked for in the past, never ended up happening like this. It always came out with a positive outcome. However, this did not have one of those treasured happy endings. Instead of feeling her usual and happy self, she felt weighed down and depressed. She felt as if she should be rejoicing at the fact she had stalled the reapers. Instead, she had gone straight to her cabin. She wanted to be alone. Closed off from everything and everyone. She had never felt like this before.<p>

* * *

><p>Days later, and Shepard was still locked away in her cabin. She had sent out a message earlier telling everybody that she did not want to be disturbed. She wouldn't even talk to her best friend's Tali and Jack, and that was saying something.<p>

As she sat up in her sweat drenched bed, she tried wiping the nightmares of what happened away. But, she couldn't do it. They haunted her dreams. Images of batarians burning and screaming, knowing that they couldn't be helped. Eventhough batarians killed her family on Mindoir, Shepard couldn't help but feel sorry for them. A few mercs and pirates were nothing, but a whole system? She didn't know how to deal with that. Especially when it had 300,000 batarian occupants. As a paragon of humanity, she couldn't let something like that slide. She tried to convince herself over and over again that she had done everything she could, but failed every time. Maybe if she had done this or that differently, all of those people would have survived. Her heart ached to be with the one she loved.

She shook her head, trying to clear it temporarily so she could at least think as herself for a minute. She sat with her arms resting on her knees, and her head resting on top of her arms, trying to block the world out. Sweat rolled down the sides of her face. She was temporarily broken out of her depressed thoughts when she heard her cabin doors hiss open. She thought she'd told people that they weren't aloud in. As she looked up, she thought she was hallucinating. A beautiful blue woman was stood in front of her. As she inspected her further, it was none other than her lover Liara T'Soni. She breathed a sigh of relief at the sight.

"Liara? What are you doing here?" Shepard asked wearily, her voice cracking, watching the asari walk towards the bed.

"Joker immediately flew the Normandy here to Hagalaz when you finished your mission. Don't worry, I know what happened." Liara replied, sitting on the empty side of the bed next to Beth.

"God, I really needed you Liara. Thank the Goddess your here." Liara watched as her lover's eyes glazed over and filled with water. Shepard's vision became blurry as she looked at her lover. She couldn't hold it in anymore. Liara opened her arms and the emotionally battered commander collapsed into her warm embrace. She sobbed as the asari held her close. It was the first time that she had cried since she got back from the mission. The only person she felt she could actually be this emotional and open to was Liara.

"Shh, it's ok. It's over now."

"It's not, I made those choices, Liara. I determined those people's fates. I have to live with that. What if I had done something differently? They could still all be alive if it weren't for me." Shepard sobbed.

"I know you made the best decisions possible. That's how you are. If you hadn't made those decisions, we wouldn't be here right now. We would be victims of the reapers. We would be dead. And I wouldn't have ever seen you again" Liara reasoned, tracing the side of Shepard's face with her finger tips. Shepard pulled away so that she was sat with her legs crossed. Liara took her boots off and did the same so that they were facing each other.

"I'd like to think that. But how do I deal with something so big like that? Hackett even had the guts to tell me I'm going on trial and tell me in person. God, what am I going to do? I'm literally killing myself with my own thoughts Liara." Beth's eyes averted from Liara's face, stopping herself from crying even more.

"He came to talk to you in person?" Liara inquired.

"Yes. God. What am I going to do? How are we going to do this? We're unprepared. No one will believe me about the reapers Liara. How are we going to win?" Beth puffed in frustration.

"We will find a way. We always do. If you have not noticed you have done the impossible many times before Shepard. You survived a batarian slaver attack when your whole family were wiped out. You've survived a thresher maw attack when all of your squad died. You defeated Saren, a rogue spectre, and saved the citadel council. You defeated Sovereign. You went through the omega 4 relay and destroyed the collectors and walked out alive. You tracked down the shadow broker and helped me. You drew me back in and fixed something that I never thought could be fixed." Liara picked up Shepard's hand and put it over her own heart, letting the commander feel it. "This. And another thing that you did, was that you made me realize my love for you all over again. I was finally able to let go and go with my heart, Beth. You have a certain habit of doing the impossible, Beth Shepard. I know you will defeat the Reapers, and I know that you will not stop until you get that happy ending you have mentioned so many times. I will be there with you and you will succeed. I know you can." Liara breathed a sigh of relief after giving Shepard her own personal pep talk.

"I love you so much Liara. Goddess, what would I do without you?" A tear ran down Shepard's face as took her hand away from Liara's chest and wrapped her arms around Liara's waist, pulling her close and hugging her tightly. "Thank you." She whispered into Liara's ear.

"No need to thank me, my love. I love you too." Liara also whispered, her breath hitching as she was on the verge of tears. She and Shepard had never had such an emotional and personal moment like this before. Liara couldn't hold it in, and cried into Shepard's shoulder. Shepard pulled away slightly.

"Shh, don't cry. You didn't do anything wrong." She said wiping Liara's tears away with the pads of her thumbs.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I just love you so much. I can't bare to see you like this." Liara sniffled, holding Shepard's hands in place on her face with her own azure ones.

"I know. I feel the same way. I will fight for OUR happy ending. I promise you right now. I will fight, and we will win." She looked straight into Liara's eyes as she made her promise.

As Liara relaxed a little, she rested her arms on Shepard's shoulders. She stroked Beth's sweat drenched hair that was coming out of her ponytail. "You need a shower." She chuckled as she sniffled once more.

"No I don't" Beth replied in a teasing tone.

"Why not?" Liara looked curiously at the woman.

"Because I will only go in if you join me." She smirked.

"Oh, is that so?" Liara asked in a suggestive tone.

"Yes" Shepard leant forward, their lips barely centimetres apart.

"If that's the only way to get you in there, then I will be joining you. Lead the way commander." Liara smiled, feeling a little flustered as Beth's hot breath caressed her face. She silently begged in her mind for her to just kiss her already, but Beth was teasing her, and she knew it.

"My pleasure, but one thing first."

"And what may that be?"

"This" She leant forward, quenching Liara's thirst. As the kiss grew deeper, Liara almost got carried away. When she realised it was going too far, she pulled away and grabbed the commander's hand, leading her up to the bathroom.

* * *

><p>Half hour later, Liara and Shepard finally exited the bathroom. Beth watched as Liara slowly, and ever so seductively swayed her hips as she walked. All she had on was a towel, her blue skin glistening from the beads of water that hugged her hourglass form. Shepard made sure the door was locked behind her and turned back to Liara, only to find her completely naked, with the towel resting on the floor beside her feet. Shepard's jaw dropped as she stared in awe at the blue form. Liara smiled at her lovers expression. The human walked down towards her.<p>

"Shepard, I do not think you should sleep in this bed tonight." Liara said, looking at her lover's crumpled and sweat soaked sheets. As she held the naked asari, she thought about the offer she had just been given.

"And where might I stay if I wasn't staying here.?" Beth smirked.

"Well, I do have a very big bed down on my ship that feels ever so lonely. I could use someone to help fill that space." Liara gave Shepard puppy dog eyes.

"Let's go." She said, kissing Liara on her forehead and getting changed. She grabbed her duffel bag and started packing.

"How long do you plan on staying?" Liara asked, putting her dress back on.

"How does a month sound to you?"

"A month? Really?" Liara said, flabbergasted. She was having trouble zipping up her high heeled boot. She was lucky that the sides of her dress had revealing slits so that she could even access her boots. Eventhough it showed skin, Shepard was the only one that she wore it for.

"Yes. I hope that's ok with you." Shepard asked, seeing Liara struggling out the corner of her eye.

"Yes. It is. Damn it!" Liara puffed in frustration.

"Here." Beth said, leaning in front of the asari who was sat on the edge of the bed. She batted Liara's protesting hands away and started zipping up the boot, leaving feather light kisses up Liara's leg along the way. The zip finished at the start of Liara's thigh. In her current position, Shepard couldn't resist. She leant forward and sneakily kissed Liara's thigh, receiving a loud gasp in return. She smiled and got back up, kissing Liara on the bridge of her nose and returning to packing her duffel bag.

* * *

><p>10 Minutes later, they were hand in hand and on the shuttle to the base Liara now called home. Just before they left, Shepard took Garrus aside, saying that he was now in charge and that he fly the Normandy to the citadel and give the crew a months rotational shore leave. Then he come back and pick both Liara and her up ready for the trial on earth. Garrus agreed and did as he was told, saying goodbye to Shepard and Liara before getting back to work.<p>

As they sat in the shuttle in silence, Liara couldn't believe that Shepard was staying for so long. She could barely believe she was sat next to her, let alone spending a whole month with her. She smiled as she gave Beth's hand a slight squeeze. The woman next to her looked at her and leant in, kissing Liara's soft blue lips.

* * *

><p>Beth ran through the door as soon as it hissed open, mattlock rifle in hand. As she searched her new surroundings, the main control panel came into view. She ran towards it, her reflexes springing into action immediately. She couldn't make out what the AI was telling her. It was as if the words were slurred. She looked up, seeing the total amount of batarians in the system. 300,000. The number burned into the back of her mind. As she tried to contact the colonies, her heart dropped as she was cut off.<p>

"Damn it!" She cursed, slamming her hands down on the console in front of her.

"Shepard!" She turned around at the sound of her name, seeing no one. Then she heard it again.

"Shepard. Oh goddess wake up!" Liara cried, trying to get Shepard to wake up. From out of nowhere, Beth shot up in the bed.

"Liara?" She asked puzzled, looking over at Liara who now had tears streaming down her cheeks. "What happened?"

"You... you were having a nightmare." She stuttered.

"Oh God. Are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

"No." She replied, wiping the tears from her eyes. Shepard immediately leant forward, kissing the asari on the forehead and wiping Liara's tears away with her thumbs.

"I'm sorry." She said, letting Liara collapse into her arms. Liara cried softly into her chest, making her t-shirt shirt wet.

"It's not your fault."

"It is. I nearly hurt you Liara. God. It was horrible."

"What was it about?"

"I reached the control panel, but the AI's words were slurred. All I could see was the number of people in that system. The number of lives that would be lost. That's when I heard my name being called. No one was there, but I think it was you trying to wake me up." She delicately kissed Liara's crest.

"Oh, Beth. Goddess, why you?" Liara cried even more for her beloved.

"Hey, calm down. How about we watch some TV? I'm sure there's something on this vast channel network of yours shadow broker." Shepard smirked, making Liara chuckle.

"Ok."

Beth grabbed the remote next to her and leant back in the bed, letting Liara rest against her chest. Beth wrapped her arms around the asari as she used her free hand to turn on the TV screen that hung down from the roof. She adjusted it so that it was down even further and facing them.

"Ok, let's see what's on." Beth flicked through the channels until Liara pointed out something.

"Hey, isn't that Tali and Jack?" She asked as they watched the vid.

"What is this?" The titles to the show came on.

_"Next, on Turians Do The Funniest Things."_ The vid showed snippets of various home made videos of Turians doing funny things.

"Oh my God, I think our video was chosen!" Beth said excitedly as she held Liara.

"Was that the Normandy? Was that You, Tali and Jack?" Liara asked.

"Yeah. Not too long ago, Joker bet me, Tali and Jack 500 credits each that we couldn't get Garrus to do something funny. So, we had heard about this show and decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to film Garrus doing something funny, and get credits for it. We're also making a documentary of Life aboard the Normandy for you and some new squad members. Anyway, so we set up a joke, and got Garrus to do something hilarious. It was so funny. Your gonna love it, Li." Beth chuckled to herself, remembering that day. Just in time, her vid came up on the screen.

_"Jack, hold the camera right." Tali chided Jack as they exited the elevator._

_"Yes. Stop whining, Tali. I got it." Jack said coolly as they turned the corner._

_"Both of you quit it." Shepard chided._

_"This is what the boss ladies like all the time. The only one she likes to take orders from is T'Soni." Jack muttered under her breath, still being picked up by the camera's microphone._

_"I heard that!" Shepard called back as she continued walking._

Liara laughed, kissing Shepard before turning her attentions back to the vid.

_"Ok, here we are on the crew deck. This is the Mess area and today we are going to get our gunnery chief, Garrus Vakarian to show us his speciality. Joker's not the only one who can joke around here." Beth chuckled, hinting that this was supposed to be a joke on Garrus. The mess hall was empty, lucky for them._

_"Yes. Up there," Tali motioned towards the sleeper pods."Is our destination. I will go and get him." Tali said before she went to fetch Garrus. The quarian returned with Garrus._

_"Hello Garrus. How are you today?" Beth asked as Garrus stood next to her._

_"Oh, this is that thing your making." he said, remembering why they were filming him in the first place._

_"Yes, now, we would love to see you do your family dance, Mr. Vakarian. Would you mind showing us?" Beth asked._

_"Not at all, it would be my pleasure." Garrus stood back and readied himself. He mentally prepared himself before suddenly breaking out into an Irish jig._

Beth and Liara laughed until they couldn't breath.

_Garrus finished and took a bow as the three women stifled their laughs and clapped._

_"Thank you Garrus for your time. We will talk to you later."_

_"Ok Shepard." He said before turning around returning to his work station. As soon as they made sure he was gone, they all broke out into laughter._

_"Ok, let's go before he returns to see what the commotion is about!" Shepard giggled, as they ran back into the elevator._

Beth and Liara laughed as the vid went to another ad break.

"Oh goddess, that's made me feel better!" Beth chuckled.

"I can't believe that's Garrus' family dance!" Liara giggled.

"I know. You feeling better?"

"Yes. Very much." Liara said as she snuggled closer into Beth.

The two of them watched the TV for a bit longer before falling into a deep and much more peaceful sleep.

* * *

><p><em>AN: As you may know, if you have read 'Love & Space', then you will recognise the 'Turians Do The Funniest Things' reference. It made sense to use this as the perfect opportunity to make Garrus do something funny. I may do the documentary of life aboard the Normandy some time, when I'm free that is. Seems like something good that I can play around with. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! :D_


End file.
